WHEN YOUR EX WANTS YOU BACK: CAN YOU GIVE THEM A SECOND CHANCE?

The other day, one of my readers was worried over an issue and she sought for my advice. Her ex-boyfriend who dumped her over a year ago wanted her back desperately. She said the guy seemed remorseful and had been pleading with her for weeks to take him back. She said she was confused about what to do but admitted she still felt something for him.

It can be flattering, amusing or annoying when an ex frantically wants to come back to our lives especially if they were the ones that broke the relationship in the first place. How would you react to such a situation, bang the door on their face or accept them back in your life?

First, you have every right to be indignant with an ex who treated you badly and call it quits with you then suddenly wants to come back to your life. No one would blame you for being nasty to such an ex. You may even be justified to call the cops to get them picked up for pestering you.

However, chances are that your ex genuinely wants you this time around. They might have learned their lessons and want you back for good and make amend for what they did to you.  And guess what, you could miss having a wonderful relationship of a lifetime if you angrily cut them loose without giving them some benefit of the doubt.

But how do you know an ex who wants you back is for real or out to play you for a fool again?  Whether it was a long term relationship you had or a short one, here are some things you must put into considerations and issues you must resolve before you take a decision.  

Have a closer look at the relationship you had before it hit the rock. Who was the one footing the bills most times? Does your ex appear to have used you as his or her meal ticket? If it was a relationship where you were the one footing the bill most times, chances are high that such an ex who wants you back desperately is not coming back for genuine reasons. They could be broke and worse off financially and need you as a stopgap measure to their meal ticket.

Does your ex really know the reasons you guys broke up? Your ex must demonstrate to you he or she has a grasp of the reason(s) for the break up; the role they played and a demonstration of genuine repentance. If you are not convinced on this point, don’t let them back into your life. Mere verbal apology and an offhand appeal to let bygone be bygones with a promise to make it up for you should not assuage you to accept them back.  

Your ex must also come clean on their dating history since they left you. Why did he or she break up with the other date(s)? Insist on their telling you everything and possibly, check out what they told you. Chances are they broke up with those other dates in circumstances similar to yours. In that case, you would have established a pattern of behavior on their part and a good reason to send them packing for good.

Your ex must also be upfront on their reason for coming back. Is it just to “rock with you for old time’s sake” or out of a realization that they made a mistake in leaving and want to make amend for good? You got to establish this before you take a decision on them.

Even after your assessment and you think they qualify for a second chance, don’t plunge in headlong into the relationship. Establish a kind of probation relationship with them. This is very important especially if it had been long you broke up. You need time to observe them on their second coming and be able to decipher their intention. Very importantly, there must be no sex, no serious intimacy at this period. If they are sincere and their reasons for coming back are genuine, they will abide by your dictates.